Language Log

Just how good is the bible?

Pretty damn good!

But how good? Well, OK, since you insist, I'll tell you the answer. It rates a 9. Satisfied?

What do you mean that was just a subjective evaluation based on my own personal tastes and religious convictions? Not a bit of it. The Bible rates at least a 9, I tell you! I know, because I applied the Pullum Multiple Coordinate Construction Metric, the latest and most interesting measure of literary weight ever devised for text evaluation and intertextual comparison, and a measure which can be applied to any text which Geoff deems "respectable".

Here is proof, an MCC of length 9:

Then wrote Rehum the chancellor, and Shimshai the scribe, and the rest of their companions; the Dinaites, the Apharsathchites, the Tarpelites, the Apharsites, the Archevites, the Babylonians, the Susanchites, the Dehavites, and the Elamites, and the rest of the nations whom the great and noble Asnapper brought over, and set in the cities of Samaria, and the rest that are on this side the river, and at such a time. King James Bible, Book of Ezra

It turns out that, respectable though the Bible is, there are better religions. In English translation from Sanskrit (an operation that we presume is PMCCM preserving) the word of the Supreme Lord Krishna  is over 30% better than the word of that other Lord as revealed through the prophet Ezra:

I am the goal, the supporter, the Lord, the witness, the abode, the refuge, the friend, the origin, the dissolution, the foundation, the substratum, and the imperishable seed. The Bhagavad Gita , Translated by Ramanand Prasad, Chapter 7: Self-Knowledge and Self-Realisation (9.18)

Courtesy of Bhagavad-gita.org,  here is the original Sanskrit, which I've linked to an audio file of the vocals... try clicking.



I wish I could read Sanskrit. But who needs religion? I have come across a story of passion, magical realism and grammar that makes the Lord Krishna seem a literary dunce. I talk of no other than Daniel Occeno's Joe the Alphabet Fisherman, writing of a very high order. 37, to be precise.

Captain Joe the Alphabet Fisherman lifted the net. Captain Joe the Alphabet Fisherman dropped what Captain Joe the Alphabet Fisherman caught into a huge basket. Boys and girls, do you know what Captain Joe the Alphabet Fisherman caught? You do not know? Captain Joe the Alphabet Fisherman caught the 0, the 1, the Qq, the Aa, the Zz, the 2, the Ww, the Ss, the Xx, the 3, the Ee, the Dd, the Cc, the 4, the Rr, the Ff, the Vv, the 5, the Tt, the Gg, the Bb, the 6, the Yy, the Hh, the Nn, the 7, the Uu, the Jj, the Mm, the 8, the Ii, the Kk, the 9, the Oo, the Ll, the Pp, and the 10. Captain Joe the Alphabet Fisherman, Daniel E. Occeno

Yet Occeno's poetic masterpiece, with it's rating of 37, and even the extrordinary 41-rated Neal Stephenson novel The Diamond Age cited by Geoff, are mere trifles. In a delightful work full of wit and vigor, utterly lacking postmodern pretension or bombast, Rachel Jones takes the Lord Grey School Magazine (2nd edition) to a literary weight of 230: that's an astonishing 2678% better than the bible. Here, in its entirety, is the ironically titled Class of 2002, Year 11:

Class of 2002, Year 11 MATTHEW ACLAND, MARTIN AKEHURST, ELIZABETH AKINWANDE, CATHERINE ALLINGTON, MOHAMMED AMIN, CHARLIE ANTONIOU-SAVVA, JODIE ARMSTRONG, STEPHANIE ASHLEY, MARCUS ASHTON, MARC AUSTIN, LEIGH BAILIE, LEE BAINES, LISA BASS, STEPHEN BATCHELER, EMILY-JAYNE BEDIAKO, RUBI BEGUM, KADY BENSON, SAMANTHA BEVAN-BROWN, JENNIFER BIRD, MATTHEW BLACKBURN, PAUL BLOW, NATASHA BOWLER, SARAH BRACKETT, RYAN BRODERICK, ELIZABETH BROWN, JOANNA BROWN, DAVID BRUNT, MATTHEW BUCK, JAKE BURTON, JORDAN BYERS, JORDAN BYRNE, MARK CALAPE, MICHAEL CHAPPELL, GEMMA CLARK, JAMES CLARKE, WILLIAM CLARKE, ANGELA COFFILL, RACHAEL COLLETT, DAVID COLLINS, AARON COOK, CHRISTOPHER COOTS, KIRSTY COPPINS, GREGG COPPOCK, HOLLY COWAN, ALISON COWLARD, HAYLEY COZENS, JOHN CRONIN, DANIEL CURTIS, LEE DARCEY, STEPHEN DART, LISA DAVIES, RENEE DAVY, ASHLEY DAY, GILES DEERING, ASHLEY DELL, ABBASALI DHANJI, ANDREW DIMMOCK, NICOLE DOUGLAS-CAPRICE, CLYDE DOWARD, CHRISTOPHER DUNN, SAM EDWARDS, TYLER EGAN, KATY ELSTER, KATHRYN ENTWISTLE, CATHLEEN ERLWANGER, LEWIS ERSSER, PAUL EVANS, ELLIOT FABIAN, DAVID FAWKES, RICHARD FLETCHER-POOLE, THOMAS FLOWER, WING FONG, HEATHER FOSKETT, STACEY FOSTER, NATALIE FREWER, ZOE GARNER, LUKE GEEVES, DONNA GLOVER, JENNIFER GOOD, KIRSTY GOODCHILD, MATTHEW GRACE, ADAM GRAY, KAYLEIGH GREEN, CARLEY GRENVILLE, ROBERT GREWAL, ADAM HACKER, PETER HALL, GEMMA HAMILTON, ROBERT HAMILTON, BEN HAMPSON, JASON HANSEN, KATHRYN HARDY, RICHARD HART, MICHAEL HARTE, NICOLA HARTLAND, KARA HENDERSON, CHERYL HENRY, KAYLEIGH HERBERT, CHARLOTTE HESLOP, ROBERT HICKERY, LAURA HIGH, STUART HOARE, AMANDA HOLMES, CARL HOPKINSON, SIMON HUNT, JAMES HUTCHINSON, MOHAMED ISLAM, BIANCA JACKSON, DEBORAH JACKSON, MATTHEW JAMES, GARY JENKINS, MATTHEW JENKINS, PETER JOHNSON, MARK JONES, ANDREW KEEN, JAMES KELLY, DOMINIC KEMPSTER, GARY KENNY, MARC KINGHAM, KAREN LABRUM, ABIGAIL LAMB, PAK LAU, DANIEL LEASK, IAN LEATHERS, CLAIRE LEONARD, DAVINA LETT, NICHOLA LEWIS, SAMUEL LEWIS, DANIEL LILLEY, JAMES LITCHFIELD, DANNY MANNING, JEREMY MARTIN, ROBERT MARTIN, LOUISE MASSINGHAM, VISHAL MASURIA, TASAVAR MAZHUR, JOSHUA MCADOO, STACEY MCCONNELL, DAVID MCLEAN, KAYLEIGH MCLEAN, LEWIS MCLEAN, STEPHEN MCMANUS, GEMMA MCMEEKIN, JOEL MILBURN, SAMANTHA MILLAR, HOLLIE MILLER, RAKHEE MODHWADIA, DANIEL MONGIARDI, RICKY MONGIARDI, PHILIP MONK, VIKKI MORRIS, DONNA MUNNOCH, TONY MURPHY, ALAN NEIGHBOUR, ASHA NICHOLAS, LOUISE NORMAN, PAUL NORRIS, VAZ NUNES, SHAUN O'LEARY, TARANDEEP OBHI, CHRISTOPHER OFFORD, MATTHEW ORDWAY, ANGELA OWEN, ASHLEY PAGE, RYAN PARKES, LEIA-JAYNE PARR, JANE PARRATT, KIM PAULEY, ROBERT PEARCE, MATTHEW PEASNELL, AMIEE PEPPARD, EMMA PERRY, CHRISTOPHER PHILLIPS, KATHRYN PHILLIPS, DANIEL PIZEY, MICHELLE POLLARD, STACEY PRICE, JAMIE PRUIN, THOMAS PUNTER, DANIEL QUINN, KELLY RAYFIELD, STUART REYNOLDS, CLAIRE ROWDEN, KEVIN ROWLAND, MEGHAN RUBIN, HAYLEY RUSSELL, ALISON SADLER, BENJAMIN SAMPSON, HAYLEY SAVILL, CHRISTOPHER SHEPHERD, DAVID SHIPP, SARAH SHIRLEY, SEAN SIMMS, DAVID SIMPSON, THOMAS SIMPSON, DAMON SMITH, KAYLEIGH SMITH, MARK SMITH, NATALIE SMITH, GEORGINA SNOOK, RICKY SNOW, NISHIL SOLANKI, GURVINDER SOOR, BROOKE SPARK, MELISSA SPRUCE, NATALIE STEAR, CHRISTOPHER STEMSON, NICOLE STEWART, SAMANTHA STRATTON, KEITH TALLBOY, ZARA TUCKER, KELLY TURNER, JULIE WALKER, GABRIEL WALLACE, ZOE WARNER, MELLISSA WATSON, LUKE WEBB, ROSS WEBB, SARAH WEBB, AARON WELLS, ALAN WELLS, JAMES WELLS-GOULD, ROCHELLE WHITE, LAURA WICKHAM, STACY WILDSMITH, SIMEON WILK, JAMES WILLIS, SINDY WONG, BONNIE WOOD and LISA YOUNGER The Lord Grey School Magazine (2nd ed.), Rachel Jones (ed.), 2002

Posted by David Beaver at April 1, 2004 05:40 AM