December 12, 2006

Who will write Billy Bymun's story?

For a long time, my spam mailbox has been crowded with messages to one Billy Bymun, sometimes addressed just as Billy (but we always know which Billy is intended).  BB, as I like to think of him, seems to be in the market for new and refinanced mortgages, student loans, and elegant gifts at good prices.  As far as I can tell, BB has not been offered erection drugs, penis enlargment, Russian women, Nigerian fund transfers, stock tips, or even bargain software.  From the e-mail evidence, he's focused on housing and education, needs no spurs to his sex life, and avoids risky investments.  A solid sort of fellow, though with a taste for high-end watches.

But there are no Google webhits at all for "Billy Bymun" (there are people named "Billy Bynum", though).  He is a man of utter mystery, despite the fact that millions of us see his name every day.  I've heard rumors that BB is the son of Betty Crocker, which would be delicious, but we just don't know.

Who will write Billy Bymun's story?  Could J. D. Salinger be persuaded to explore the history and psyche of this famous but extraordinarily private man?

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Posted by Arnold Zwicky at December 12, 2006 10:19 AM